This is actually a really important question. Most people wouldn't consider it...but there is actually an appropriate time to do each. I am a firm believer that the joy of eating out isn't just the food or the luxury of not cooking, but it is the joy of having an experience. Eating out is just as much about the type of social experience you are looking for as it is whether you are looking for a burger or a vegan pizza (OMNOMNOM, I <3 you, Pi.) Most people limit this to "Do I want to be fancy or slum it at a dive tonight?" But really, even once you decide if you are going to Tony's or to J.P.'s Corner, it's still important to decide where you're going to sit when you get there.
So, I'm going to give you the way that it would be in Sarah's Perfect World. I should put a disclaimer here that other things in Sarah's Perfect World include (but are not limited to) 6 weeks of paid time off per year (most of them spent camping), world peace, flying monkeys - and the legalization of murder for people who fly up the lane that is going to be closed in road construction zones.
If you're alright with that, then here are the rules for bar vs table sitting in Sarah's Perfect World.
Rule #1: Just because you don't want to wait, doesn't mean the bar is for you. Seriously. Kids don't need to be sitting at the bar. Couples who are fondling each other's naughty bits don't need to be sitting at the bar (or probably at the restaurant, unless you've invented a cloak of invisibility, in which case, SHARE IT WITH ME!). Angry folks don't need to be sitting at the bar - this is the big important one. If you are having a bad day, and you want to be left alone, or you want to bitch, please isolate yourself. We don't want to hear it.
Rule #2: The bar is a social place. Engaging is good (but not required). Do not be rude to those who try to talk to you. Did you ever live in a dorm room? Visit a youth hostel? Survive the military? The bar of a restaurant is the adult-version of communal living. When you take a seat, you are sitting down in someone's living room. The bartender is your host, but everyone else at the bar is in that living room too. If you're sitting there, expect to have your conversations overheard. Expect that your neighbors will talk to you.
Rule #3: Don't be a jerk. Shouting across the bar is (usually) obnoxious. If you want to talk to someone that is sitting on the opposite side of the bar - get your butt up and go talk to them. If someone says hi to you - say something back.
Rule #4: If you want a private dining experience, the table is for you. This includes honeymooning couples that can't behave themselves, parents with small children (I am going to try my kid out at a bar situation - for the social aspect, and chocolate milk, obviously - when he is about 11. Depending on his maturity level).
Rule #5: Don't try to change the atmosphere, go to where the atmosphere is appropriate for you and your mood. Don't get irritated when you go to a dive bar and it's noisy. Don't go to a quaint restaurant and act like you own the joint. Find a place where you fit, and your mood fits, and let the place enhance your experience rather than hinder it.
Anyway...I hope my rules make some kind of sense more than, "Sit at the bar for social, sit at the table for private."
The bar is an awesome place to hear stories and meet friends.
Other stuff:
Info #1: Sitting at a bar - and becoming a regular - doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. It means that you are a part of the neighborhood. Becoming a regular of a restaurant will introduce you to a whole group of people and beliefs that are ready to be opened and learned. It can be the greatest experience you ever have.
Info #2: Your bartender is your local historian. They've been around. Some of the best bars in St. Louis (O'Connell's, McGurk's, the Dubliner) have bartenders that have been around. They know St. Louis better than you or I will ever hope to; they know people better than I even can imagine. Ask them what you want to know. Most of them will answer you - most of them will tell you stories you can't find in a history book.
Info #3: Restaurants - LOCAL restaurants - are your key to discovering the city. Or one of them. You never know a place until you know the local business. Until you understand the clientele of somewhere other than the corner chain store and the local WAL-Shope of bland. Fall in love with your city. St. Louis has a lot to offer; just not in the chain-store strip malls.
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